


An Affection Exception

by kemiyu (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Aobajousai, AtsuHina, Atsumu Is Whipped, Atsumu Tries To Help, Author Is Sleep Deprived, But I Suppose That I Love Him, Concerned Karasuno, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fukuroudani, Hinata is suffering, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Inarizaki, I’m sorry, Karasuno, Love Confessions, M/M, Maybe. - Freeform, Nekoma, Oblivious Hinata Shouyou, Oc Is A Creepy Bitch, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Unhealthy Relationships, Useless dorks, but cute, creepy behaviour, hinata is baby, seriously, they’re stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23022967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/kemiyu
Summary: He didn’t know it was possible to have a single person be able to hold such power - to be able to absolutely consume every waking moment of someone’s life.  And yet here he was, Hinata Shoyou; Who has been the only thing on Atsumu’s mind for months.Atsumu & Hinata are pining, but it’s obvious there’s sometimes one of them is hiding - and things are only getting worse.Trigger Warning: as this fic touches on sensitive issues that can be difficult for some readers.Words: 13K
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Izumi Yukitaka & Sekimukai Kouji, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Hinata Shouyou/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 117





	An Affection Exception

**Author's Note:**

> My therapist has been really freaking me out lately, so here’s some angst. I dunno, it’s just been really difficult, but who cares ヽ(´▽｀)/
> 
> Also, I love Atsumu so much?? Mr.StealYoMan,, he’s very pretty. He lowkey makes me straight, lmao that’s a first.  
> I put an oc in here, probably won’t ever use him again,, but he wasn’t exactly the most likeable - so who cares?

An Affection Exception 

It was impossible to pinpoint the exact moment it happened; the moment Hinata got Atsumu wrapped around his little finger. A feeling of sickness had been building up in Atsumu’s stomach for months, and this feeling was traced back to the small redhead.   
It began at their first meeting, although the feeling was faint at that time. It was a feeling that made his heart twinge, and his face couldn’t help but heat up at the sight of Hinata. This feeling made it hard to breathe, _hard to focus -_ he could only think of Hinata.   
This feeling worsened overtime, his body and mind had refused to cooperate with him. Hinata was a touchy person by nature, that was evident to anyone who had ever met him. And although Atsumu had never been one for physical contact, he couldn’t help but give into the overwhelming joy that occurred whenever Hinata touched him. It were small things, Hinata touching his hands, his arms, his face - sure, these were all platonic, but it made Atsumu feel like his heart was about to burst.

He didn’t know it was possible to have a single person be able to hold such power - to be able to absolutely consume every waking moment of someone’s life. And yet here he was, Hinata Shoyou; Who has been the only thing on Atsumu’s mind for months.   
When Atsumu woke up in the mornings, the first thing to spring to mind was Hinata. He wondered how pretty Hinata would look in the beauty of the mornings skies - he wondered what Hinata’s fluffy hair would look like when adorned by the kisses of sunlight - he wondered how bright Hinata’s smile could truly shine.   
Truth be told, he wondered about Hinata quite often - in the serenity of mornings, in the dreariness of evening and in the coolness of the night.   
Atsumu believed that Hinata was pretty. Far prettier than any of the models on magazines covers, for his beauty rivalled cherry blossoms that come into bloom every spring.   
Hinata’s eyes were large and round, it’s honey-like appearance was something that made Atsumu weak at the knees.   
Hinata’s skin was soft like fabric, and although he was usually pale, Atsumu was enchanted when Hinata would go beat red.   
Hinata’s hair was bright and stuck out wildly in varying directions, Atsumu wanted to run his fingers through it.   
Hinata’s smile. His smile was pure, _he was pure._ Although the small boy beamed with happiness, Atsumu swore that there were times his eyes were glazed with sadness. But upon pointing this out, Hinata was snapped back to his usual goofiness. This hasn’t rested well with Atsumu, it felt as if there was an underlying tone of deception.   
  


However, he still found Hinata charming nonetheless.

Osamu was disgusted by Atsumu and his oblivious pining after Karasuno’s shrimp. It made his blood boil, seeing his dumbass of a brother act so flustered around him - especially when he denied his feelings for Hinata. It sickened Osamu, it was difficult to be in the same room as his brother.   
Don’t get him wrong, it wasn’t that he was homophobic - he was just irritated by how dense Atsumu was. It was obvious to everyone that he was in love with Hinata, from the way he stares, the way they interacted or the goofy grin that he wore whenever Hinata was around.   
Hinata hadn’t seemed to ever reciprocate Atsumu’s flustered behaviours, but the reasons for that were left unclear - did he not care or was he just incredibly dense?

Despite this, it had never seemed to click in Atsumu’s mind that he was _in-love_ with Hinata - he had assumed it was some mere crush.   
That was until he had it completely spelled out for him;

  
Atsumu’s face was buried beneath the cathedral of pillows he constructed on his couch, relishing in the refreshing serenity of weekends. The buzzing noises of the cartoons playing on the T.V rang lightly in his ears, as well as the whistling melodies of the birds outside. His eyes were pressed shut, basking in the calm of the moment - that was until he heard the familiarity of a certain contacts ringtone.   
His phone chirped loudly, making the boy jolt up and blindly search around for the phone. Osamu let out a loud sigh at the sight of his brother, cocking an eyebrow as his face contorted into a soft smile. 

“You don’t smile like that often.” Osamu stated, voice laced with a tone of mock as he held a shit eating grin of his face. Atsumu’s face was buried into his screen, eyes scanning the messages before him as he fidgeted in anticipation of a reply. “It’s Hinata, isn’t it?” He asked, distraught eyes staring back at him.

Atsumu huffed, rubbing the back of his neck as he avoided eye contact. He bit the inside of his cheek, embarrassed by how obvious he is.   
“Is it really that easy to tell?” He asked, just barely glancing in his brothers direction. Osamu left out a light chuckle, before giving in a hum of affirmation. 

“You’re in love with him - of course it’s easy to tell!” He laughed. The room was filled with sudden tension, the colour draining from Atsumu’s face. Osamu stopped laughing when he was met with heavy silence, shocked to see that his brother was as white as a ghost.   
“What?” He asked quietly, confused as of why his brother had the complexion of a snowman.

”I-Inlove? With Hinata?!” He yelled, voice stuttering and raised a lot higher than usual. Atsumu quivered as his cheeks burned red, he couldn’t help but bury his face into his hands. He sunk into his own palms, sniffling softly as he sulked. It made sense.   
It made a lot of sense.   
Hinata had became his everything and he now knew there was no denying that he was in love with him. 

But, he feared this. Fear ate at his mind, for he loved Hinata. _He loved him._ This would cause a shift in their relationship, how could he act the same around him? In fear of ruining their relationship, he knew he had to bury this feeling deep within him.

  
  


**………  
**

Hinata was an incarnation of sunshine, and this was not up for debate. This was common knowledge to anyone who had met him, and he had acquired the hearts of various enemies (platonically, aside from Atsumu of course). He had people absolutely smitten over him, but he had never payed them any mind.   
So Karasuno’s boys volleyball team found it weird to see Hinata showing symptoms of having a crush. Hinata was often found typing away at his phone, a large smile on his face. It was obvious that he was texting the same person each time, as he had set different ringtones for each of his contacts - and this particular contact had an obnoxiously adorable sound to it. 

The team thought it was cute.   
The team thought it was sweet.   
The team thought it was pure.

Hinata wondered if they would feel the same way if they knew who he was texting; Atsumu Miya. A member of a rival team at Inarizaki, liking a rival was at a big no-no. It wasn’t just the fact that it was a rival, but Hinata didn’t know how they’d react to him liking a _boy._   
Hinata wasn’t ever very open about sexual preferences, the fear of judgement outweighed his willingly to be truthful to people. He had only ever told three people, his two best friends, Kouji and Izumi, and his mother.

  
  


Kouji and Izumi were the first to know. They had been friends for years, and grew quite close as a trio. At this time, Hinata had still been figuring out his sexuality. He had discovered he had a crush on one of the boys in his class, that boy being named Mayuki (oc!).   
Hinata hadn’t ever felt that way about someone before, let alone one of the same sex. He didn’t know what to do about this, he feared it; he thought it was disgusting - it was wrong - it was sin - HE was sin.   
But Kouji and Izumi told him otherwise. When Hinata confessed these thoughts to them, they held him in a tight embrace and promised him everything was okay. Hinata can still remember the feeling of warmth he had in his heart at that moment, and the feeling of tears that rolled down his cheek. 

Hinata also remembers when he told his mother, although deep down he wishes he didn’t. His mother was a sweet person, she was a loving mother, she was one of the kindest people Hinata knew. Keep in the mind the use of ‘was’, because as the truth about Hinata came to light, so did her true colours.   
Her warm touch was gone, and instead her skin felt cold and icy. Her touch felt like it was made of thorns, but those thorns weren’t as tough as her words.   
Her words hurt him more than her physical body ever could. And deep down he knew that he was never mentally the same. All the build up of comfort and affection put into him by his friends was destroyed by the disastrous reaction his mother gave him.

He couldn’t admit it to anyone, his truth. He swore to not tell another soul about his sexuality. But this proved difficult when he developed feelings on a boy in his high school years, especially someone who plays the same sport - as they’d see each other often. At least they didn’t go to the same school.   
  


  
“Can’t believe our kouhai got a girlfriend before us!” Tanaka whined, clutching onto the rim of Noya’s shirt as he cried. Hinata had never confirmed or denied the existence of a girlfriend - as it was obvious he liked someone, but he couldn’t bare to admit it was a boy. 

“Tanaka, it’s not like that!” Hinata cried in protest, earning a chuckle from Yamaguchi and Tsukki. Hinata’s cheeks had a tint of a pink as his eyes welled up in fake tears. Tanaka let out a muffled cackle as gave Hinata a pat on the back - this was a usual occurrence. 

What wasn’t a usual occurrence, was having Hinata retract away from his touch and have a look of fear in his eyes. The gym was uncomfortably quiet after he did this, both tension and confusion brewing in the atmosphere. Hinata tried to shake it off, tried to erase the whole ordeal.   
But the team was it.  
They saw his actions.   
They saw his fear.   
This would change practice...

”Hinata?” Tanaka asked cautiously, hand held against his own body - far away from Hinata. The team looked at the pair, a look of concern on their faces. Hinata didn’t understand - why had he done that? Fear grew in his stomach, an overwhelming feelings on the verge of making him cry.   
The team had been mentioning relationships a lot recently, and this had caused mass discomfort within Hinata. He didn’t know why, but it made him feel sick, both mentally and physically. The nausea only got worse the more it was mentioned, and he couldn’t help but look behind his shoulder each time.   
Paranoid.   
Paranoid.   
Paranoid.   
Not fine?

”Sorry, senpai!” He cried, the use of ‘senpai’ instantly sending Tanaka into a state of bliss. Tanaka cooed at the words, feeling fulfilled at the thought of being someone’s senpai. This hadn’t changed everything back to normal, but it did ease the tension. He did his best to avoid people like Suga, who he knew would press at the matter - because he was a ‘mum’, he was obligated as a mother to care for everyone. It was sweet, and appreciated, but Hinata couldn’t bare to cope with that on that day.   
So rather than dealing with it, he escaped it. He slipped through the teams fingers like water, dancing dangerously close to an encounter. He changed quickly and left the gym, which made his teammate, Kageyama, a little pissed as he had to then walk home on his own. 

**……**

  
  


Hinata had himself wrapped tightly in his blankets, left alone with the familiarity of his bustling mind and silence of his empty house. He stared blankly at the wall, body and limbs pressed tightly together to increase warmth. His room felt cold, it always had.   
Or maybe not always. Sometimes he believes that there was a warmth there, a warmth that made it easier to sleep at night. That warmth was gone. It left as soon as his mother did - or more so his mothers warm side of her personality. Hinata’s mother left to live with her sister years ago, and his dad - well, he was never around to begin with.  
He didn’t mind. Why would he mind?   
It’s not like he was always lonely.   
Sometimes he has people over.   
Sometimes.

He had to release himself from the layers of blankets he formed, as his attention peaked at the sound of his phone chiming. His hand blindly skimmed across the patting of his bed, searching and scanning for that familiar feeling of his phone. His fingers tapped gently across the screen of his phone, the realisation that he found it hitting him not too long after. He lifted his arms tiredly as he brought the blinding screen to his face, 2 New Messages.

* * *

**_Atsumu_ (°▽°) **: Hey, Sho!   
I’m in the area, wanna hang?

What do you mean you’re ‘in the area’? You don’t live very close to me? ( ´ ▽ ` )

**_Atsumu_ (°▽°) **: Okkk... I may have caught a bus here.

What?! Whyyy?   
I mean, I’m happy to see you, but you should warn me about these things!

**_Atsumu_ (°▽°) **: Ahaha, I know, I know!   
Are you mad? :’( <33

Ughhh.   
No. I can’t stay mad at you.   
... 

<333

 ** _Atsumu_ (°▽°) **: Yay! <333  
Can I come to your house? I think I remember how to get there.

It’ll be very impressive if you do! And of course we can hang out, it’s been a while!

 ** _Atsumu_ (°▽°) **: Im very impressive, Shoyou!   
See you soooon :) <3  
  


Okay, dork

_Read at 05:13PM._

* * *

Hinata had patiently sat at the door, head resting against the wood as he awaited Atsumu. He tapped his fingers against the floor, humming softly in boredom. His legs were pressed tightly against his body, his chin resting on his knee. His hair dangles loosely in front of his face, which although irritating, wasn’t enough for Hinata to muster up enough energy to move. As of lately, things had felt off. Ever since the ‘gym incident’ he has been increasingly more cautious about his actions, trying to keep everything inside. But this was beginning to falter, and he grew more and more tired with each passing day.   
But that didn’t matter.   
If no one notices,  
Why would it matter?   
Why would he matter?

Hinata Shoyou wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure why any of this mattered. He wasn’t sure why he was here. He wasn’t sure why he was waiting at the door for a member of a rival team.   
And he definitely wasn’t sure as of why he was absolutely whipped for that rival.   
  
Atsumu’s knuckles clacked against the door, the noise ringing through Hinata’s ears like church bell. Both boys found themselves in the same state; complete and utter fear, as well as a pinch of pure bliss. Butterflies built up in Hinata’s stomach as he got up, weak at the knees.   
Atsumu stood outside, tapping his foot and and keeping all his body weight onto the other. He hummed softly, smiling as he heard the door handle rattle like a snakes tail.  
The door creaked open, a small redhead peering into the outside world. Hinata’s eyelashes fluttered as he was caught up in the sudden brightness of the blazing sunlight - paying no mind to his tall friend in front of him. Atsumu leaned close to him, cocking an eyebrow at the spaced out look on Hinata’s face. He ruffles through Hinata’s hair, snapping Hinata back into the land of the living.   
Hinata poubts, letting out a soft whine. Atsumu giggles, eyebrows knitted and smile wide. Hinata leans backwards, hair whipping in front of his face as he did this. He gestured for Atsumu to enter - which took a couple of seconds to click in Atsumu’s mind. He let out a quick ‘oh’, mouth forming an oval as realisation came to him. He mumbled an apology as he stepped inside, Hinata’s house just as he remembered;

In contrast to Hinata’s bright personality, his house was rather plain and simple. There weren’t any dazzling features, and if Atsumu was honest, it was empty and lacking in decoration. The floorboards were cold to the touch, and the air was thick and heavy.   
It was weird how such an energetic boy could have such a calm house.   
The house always had a different alluring scent to it each time Atsumu came over (although it was only three or four times, neither of the boys were great at counting). The first time he came over, he could smell the sweet scent of caramel. Whereas the second time, there was a strong scent of lavender. The third time, the house smelt burnt.   
It made Atsumu’s nose curl, the rotting stench of burning cake filling the room. Smoke made it’s way through the house, slithering around and strangling the boys like a python. Hinata was usually a good baker, I guess the stress of seeing Atsumu made him forget about the cake he was baking.   
This time, it smelled of strawberries. Atsumu pondered, didn’t he always smell of strawberries? Sure, the smell of his _house_ could change, but Atsumu always picked up on a sweet scent whenever he was around. It was easy to tell where the scent was coming from, they’re _volleyball players,_ after all. It was fun, and something they both enjoyed, but they’d be lying if they said the aftermath of playing wasn’t absolute hell. People going through puberty stunk, that was plain and simple, and the undeniable truth. Especially, people who played sports - like volleyball, which involves a lot of running and moving.   
Stinky, stinky sport. 

”Thank you for coming!” Hinata bowed, holding back his yawns. His body teetered from side to side, swaying like a swing. Atsumu found this unbelievably cute, _Hinata was unbelievably cute._ Knowing that he was truly in love with him made things a little tense, but also tender. He couldn’t help but stare a little longer, look a little further and yearn for them to be close to one another. But they were just friends.   
And that painful truth was something he was persistently reminded of.  
_He just wanted to change that._

“No, thank _you_ for having _me_.” He said, tongue clicking as stretched out the ‘you’ and ‘me’. Hinata got embarrassed, attempting to hide the red tint on his face with his fluffy hair. Their gaze was averted, and Atsumu took this moment to truly view Hinata.   
Hinata Shoyou was exceptionally pretty.   
He looked as delicate as a flower.   
This was common knowledge, and it was said that he was pretty enough to pass for a girl. Hinata tends to be that type of person where liking him isn’t considered ‘gay’ per say, but more so just a thing everyone tends to go through. Although, to be fair, most didn’t like him the way Atsumu liked him. Atsumu liked him differently.  
Atsumu wanted him differently; rather than wanting to be close with Hinata and be ‘just friends’, he wanted more. He wanted to hold Hinata in a tight embrace, he wanted to whisper sweet nothings into Hinata’s ear, he wanted to mark Hinata’s skin with his kisses. He _wanted_ to, he really did - but he valued their friendship.   
He couldn’t bare to ruin the friendship they formed, he couldn’t bare to loose the platonic affection between the two. Even if deep down, he wanted so much more.

Atsumu plopped down into the couch, sinking into his usual spot for his visits. The sun dipped in the skyline, sending in just the right amount of warmth. Hinata sat in-front of him, on the floor (Atsumu thought this was strange, but Hinata was persistent in the belief that the floor was comfortable). Atsumu’s legs were draped over Hinata’s shoulders, hands tapping on his head like a bongo.   
The first time they did this, it was awkward and filled with laughter and giggling. After a couple more times, this became the norm for them; something comfortable.

Time passed quickly when they were together, and they found joy in anything they did. They went from just talking, to watching movies and finally settling in on playing video games.   
Atsumu and Hinata had definite varying skill levels when talking about video games. Atsumu was good at games like Zelda, that required skill and thought (let’s be honest, something Hinata was probably lacking). However, Hinata was very good in a particular genre; fighting games.   
They played a couple rounds of Mortal Kombat, which ended in Atsumu being a little pissed and jealous. Hinata’s skills were in his favour when he played, as he won _every. single. game._

”C’mon!” Atsumu cried, thumbs pressing down into the controller, as if that would make him fight better. His legs kicked wildly as he mashed the buttons furiously, biting on his lip.   
Hinata’s health was at half way, but Atsumu on the other hand, was almost completely gone. Atsumu wasn’t the best sport, and became increasingly whinier the more he lost.

Hinata couldn’t help but giggle, a goofy smile on his face as he felt Atsumu’s foot whack against his chest. Hinata could barely stifle a laugh at Atsumu’s childish game strategies.   
Hinata ended up beating him, obviously. Atsumu sulked, head thrown back into the couch. His body melted into it, feeling frail. Atsumu fell forward, controller bumping against the back of Hinata’s head.   
“Ow.” Hinata said sarcastically, a grin still remained on his face. Hinata changed his position, turning around so that he was facing Atsumu. His chin rested in the space on the couch between Atsumu’s legs, lewd lewd lewd thoughts filled Atsumu’s mind. Hinata closed his eyes, cheek squishing against Atsumu’s thighs.   
Atsumu cupped his other cheek with his hand, a tender look in his eyes.

”Hinata.” Words slipped out of his mouth, he hadn’t intended to set that spill out. Hinata’s eyelids lifted slowly, revealing his honey-like eyes that peered up into Atsumu’s eyes. Hinata let out a muffled hum, bringing himself upwards so that he was almost at level with Atsumu’s face.   
Atsumu’s heart was racing, it was the only thing he could hear. The sound of the music from the video game, _gone._ The sound of Hinata’s soft breathing, _gone._ But the sound of his heart beating was as loud as an orchestra.   
His cheeks burned up, biting his lip as an overwhelming amount of fear consumed him.   
_He wanted to kiss him.  
__He wanted to kiss him._  
He wanted to kiss him.

And so he did. He pulled Hinata close to him and kissed him quick, not surprised by the softness of Hinata’s lips. Hinata tasted just how he smelled, as sweet as strawberries. Hinata’s eyes went wide, tears building up in the corner of his eyes. Atsumu was unaware of this, unaware of the fact that Hinata was on the verge of breaking down. He was brought back to reality, drawn away from his moment of bliss as he heard loud sniffling. He pulled away, stunned to see Hinata’s face flushed and puffed, tears rolling down his cheeks as he let out a pained hiccup. 

“I’m so-“ Hinata began, struggling to get through his broken words, “I’m so sorry!”. His chest heaved as he began to hyperventilate, choking back his tears. Atsumu looked mortified, he had never felt so bad before in his life. He had a chance, he had a chance to convey his love - and he fucking blew it. He rubbed his hand on Hinata’s back, trying desperately to soothe him.   
“I should have told you I wasn’t ready, I-I don’t know why.” He cried, eyes stinging from the tears.   
Hinata didn’t know why he felt like this. His mind became frantic and his body went tense. His limbs trembled like a newborn lamb taking it’s first steps and his heart beat faster than he thought possible. His throat felt dry, and he had a sour taste bubbling within him. Tears were coming up like word vomit - oh wait, actual vomit. Hinata had a hand clutched to his mouth as he felt vomit pool in the back of his throat, it burned and stung. Hinata got up quickly, the initial dizziness blurring his vision. 

He struggled to see, staggering forward as his legs buckled. He bumbled frantically towards the bathroom, slamming the door open as he threw himself towards the toilet. He could barely hold it in time, arms shaking weakly as he tried to hold himself up. Atsumu stood in the doorway, head leaning against the wall as he tried to conjure up words to say.   
He felt horrid. He thought that it was a perfect moment, he thought he could capture Hinata’s heart. What went so wrong?

”Hinata...?” He asked cautiously, sinking down next to him. Hinata couldn’t bare to make eye contact, further consumed by shame and fear. Hinata curled into a ball, head hung low. His eyes were red and puffy, his skin was pale and his lips were quivering. His mouth felt bitter, very bitter. Atsumu held his hands by his sides, fearing Hinata’s reaction to physical contact.   
Hinata had always been touchy, and was oblivious to the effect he had on people. He would smile, he would laugh and he overall seemed like a cheery person.   
But here he was. He was on the cold and clammy bathroom floor, head held between his legs as he held back tears. He became undone, revealing to Atsumu the truth about Hinata Shoyou.   
“Should I leave?” He asked, voice laced with uncertainty.

It took Hinata a moment to answer, as he was staring blankly at the floor. He let out a mumbled response, but after hearing no response from Atsumu, spoke a little louder and clearer. Atsumu pushed his phone towards Hinata, his gaze slipping over to the dully lit screen of his phone.   
03:26AM.   
Hinata was fixated on the time, “I think.” He began, voice strained from the crying, “I think you should go.” . Truth be told, he didn’t entirely want him to leave. He wanted to explain himself, he wanted to make sure everything was okay - but he couldn’t do it. He just wanted to slip away, he wanted to escape. 

“The next bus leaves at 04:00AM.” Atsumu whispered hoarsely, no reply from the redhead. Atsumu sighed, but he understood. This was probably an embarrassing situation for the two of them. If leaving made Hinata more comfortable, then he would gladly do so. He hoped he could fix this, the situation was stiff and awkward, but could it be redeemed?   
“Thank you for having me, Sho. I hope you feel better.” He said softly, but a tone of sadness in his voice. Hinata sniffled, but turned around to face him. He shot him a weak smile, hands forming into the shape of a heart - this almost did a K.O to Atsumu’s heart.

**……  
**

Hinata could barely move. Moving hurt. His head was pounding, his vision was blurred and he had no consistency whatsoever when it came to his body temperature. One minute, he left like he was burning up - skin boiling as sweat rolled down his back - the next minute, he felt as cold as ice. His body was limp like a noodle, head resting against the floorboards. His legs were lazily hooked over the side of his bed, body forming an L. Aside from the thumping in his head, everything was relatively quiet.   
This was interrupted, however. 3 knocks rang through his ears, each with uncomfortably long breaks in between. Although the knock was odd, Hinata just assumed this was Atsumu. It had been 5 days since they’d seen each other, and honestly, Hinata wasn’t prepared to see him in real life yet. They texted still, he couldn’t hold off for too long, they were still friends after all. 

Assuming this was just Atsumu, he ignored it. Sure, that might have been mean, but he really couldn’t do it. He let out a loud yawn, body rolling over to plop down on the floor. His cheek rested on the floor, eyelids drooped down as counted the particles of dust floating in front of his face. Things felt fine. Things were fine. Until they weren’t;   
Hinata froze, not daring to move. His hairs stood on end, eyes wide as he felt the air be whipped out of his lungs. He sat there, like a deer in headlights. Someone had said something, someone who definitely didn’t have Atsumu’s voice. The voice of someone he didn’t want to see. _Please, please, don’t be him.  
“_Sho-Chan!” The voice said, voice high and playful. Hinata heard nails scrapping against his front door, and he almost screamed in fear. In the beginning of Junior High, he would have swooned at hearing that voice. He would have dropped all plans and flocked to the person who said it. But, times haves changed and _he_ had changed. His name was Mayuki Yukio.

* * *

Hinata was about two months into junior highs, things weren’t great but they could’ve been worse. He found it difficult to bond with people, and most people weren’t exactly willing to talk to him. He came across as too forward and outgoing, not caring for studying at all - but was very keen on volleyball. He did manage to find comfort in two of his friends however, Kouji and Izumi (neither of which exactly liked volleyball, but were willing to play for Hinata’s sake). Volleyball wasn’t well received in his school, and was often called a ‘girly sport’, so it proved difficult to get people to play with.   
Kouji and Izumi weren’t the best at volleyball, but the fact that they tried was endearing to Hinata. They grew close as time went on, but Hinata knew he had to tell them about the thought that had been brewing up in his mind.   
Hinata would often recall embarrassing stories they had shared with one another, fond of the dumb memories they forged. They wasted no time in skipping to personal things, as soon as their friendship began, it got personal. Izumi told a story of how he stole from his mother’s wallet to buy candy, and got caught - it was embarrassing to him, but it made the other boys laugh. Kouji, on the other hand, seemed like a person who made appropriate life choices (although that didn’t prevent Izumi and Hinata from trying to coax a story out of him). He begrudgingly told one, much to his dismay, but to Izumi and Hinata’s satisfaction. He couldn’t resist Hinata’s puppy eyes, he was too sweet.   
Kouji had once gotten himself locked in school - specifically the locker room. He was tired after a game of soccer, and fell asleep against the wall. None of his teammates thought to wake him up, because they’re _assholes._ Kouji still holds a grudge against them. Izumi and Hinata find this hilarious.   
But they weren’t the only one to reveal things about themselves, Hinata did the same. Hinata didn’t know how to handle the situation, and he didn’t know what the reaction would be; but he did it nonetheless. That’s when his two and only friends learned his truth, the truth about Hinata Shoyou.

“I think I like boys.” The words didn’t roll nicely off the tongue, instead they felt bitter and he had regret his decision immensely. He feared the response, and didn’t know what to expect. A part of him felt like weight had been lifted off his shoulders, but the other part was cowering in fear. He couldn’t believe what had happened;  
There was a loud ruckus in the classroom, which caused a predicament for the other surrounding students. Izumi and Kouji lunged across their desk, heaving forward to throw them self onto Hinata. In the process, they rattled the desk and chair, and swept equipment onto the floor. Equipment wasn’t the only thing to fall, as the weight of the two boys pushed Hinata off his chair and sent him tumbling down. This effectively took the others down with him. They ended up in a tangled mass of arms and legs, which although funny to them, was seen as immature and clumsy to others.   
Izumi’s arms were draped around Hinata’s neck, head nuzzling into Hinata’s neck. He held him tightly and squeezed, barely holding back tears. Kouji’s legs were sprawled across the floor, head laying comfortably on Hinata’s stomach (he found it assuming that his head would go up and down with the rising and falling of Hinata’s quick breathing). Hinata was breathless, but couldn’t help but crack a smile at his reckless friends. Izumi was the first to get up (or, the only one to get up, as Kouji felt too comfortable to move) and was discouraged when he felt Hinata’s warmth disappear.

”It’s okay, Shoyou.” He said softly, cupping Hinata’s cheek with his hand. He gave him a tender and motherly smile, rubbing his index finger in a circular motion. Hinata felt at ease, he didn’t know if things would be okay or not. “We will support you no matter what!” He whispered hoarsely, Kouji nodded his head vigorously as he hummed in agreement. Hinata was almost brought to tears by such affection and acceptance. However, Kouji had a smug ass look on his face, and this didn’t rest well with Hinata.

”You like Mayuki, don’t you?” He said, a shit eating grin on his face. Hinata’s face burned up, a wide eyed expression on his face. Izumi cackled, which only made poor Hinata more embarrassed. Hinata aggressively whacked Kouji repeatedly in his flustered state, which only egged him on further. “C’mon, Sho. You can’t lie to us!” He teased, giving Hinta a gentle flick on the forehead. Izumi cradled Hinata as he sulked, not daring to look in Kouji’s direction.

“I don’t like Yukio!” He whined in protest, instantly catching the attention of his friends when he used his first name. Hinata instantly clasped his hands over his mouth, _regret regret regret._ Izumi and Kouji couldn’t help but smile.  
Mayuki was one of the only students (aside from Kouji and Izumi) who played volleyball, except for the fact that he actually knew how to play. He was good at setting, but would admit honestly that he was shit poor at serving. Hinata and him would play together a lot, and they had become good friends. Mayuki told Hinata to use his first name after they exchanged numbers, which made Hinata happier beyond belief. If it wasn’t obvious enough, Hinata had developed a small (or not so small) crush on Mayuki, and it was his first male crush. What was considered normal platonic touching, would instead send Hinata into a crazed state of panic.   
Mayuki was a relatively flirtatious person, but it was difficult to tell if he wanted to pursue Hinata, or if he was just kinda _like that(?)._ Hinata wasn’t sure of the answer, but he didn’t mind. Hinata had not told Mayuki about this truth, and he honestly didn’t want to. Mayuki didn’t seem homophobic or anything, but he just wasn’t that comfortable with it, especially considering the fact that he liked _him.  
__”_ Sho. You’re a terrible liar.” Izumi wheezed, ruffling Hinata’s hair. Kouji remained lying comfortably on Hinata, using him like a pillow. Izumi was a little jealous of this, but remained sitting upwards regardless. Izumi, who missed Hinata’s warmth, rested his chin on Hinata’s shoulder. They remained like this until lunch ended.   
  


  
  


The final school bell rang and Hinata couldn’t have felt more relieved by this. He got up, stretching his arms and back like a cat. Hinata let out a mewl like yawn, body trembling as he did so. His bag was slung over his shoulder, he was about to leave the classroom and go home - but was stopped by a familiar figure.   
Mayuki stood in the doorway, head cocked to the side as hair rested in front of his face. The sunlights pooled in through the windows, illuminating him in a haze of yellow and orange. Hinata thought he was breathtaking. He had a visible smile on his face, leaning back and forth as he got closer to Hinata. Hinata was ultimately confused, but this was Mayuki, he was too love struck to care about such weird actions. Mayuki then clasped Hinata’s hand, leaning in his close to his face. Hinata stared into their eyes, mouth agape as a shiver ran down his spine. “Sho-chan!” He chirped happily, still grinning. 

“Hey, Yu.” He said hesitantly, still nerved by his presence. They had hung out multiple times, but Hinata still felt nervous around him. He thought it was hard to focus around him, he was just so pretty that is jumbled Hinata’s brain. “Are you okay?” He asked, feeling Mayuki’s grip on him tighten.

Mayuki bit his lip, eyebrows knitted as a look of contemplation crossed his face. He huffed out a small giggle, which only further confused the poor redhead. “Can I ask you something?” He asked, voice low and soft. He brought their hands up to his chest, gently rubbing Hinata’s hand with his index finger. Hinata nodded slowly, both intrigued and startled. Hinata didn’t know what the outcome would be; but he certainly didn’t predict what had happened. Mayuki had kissed him. He leaned forward, eyes shut and lips puckered. Hinata knew what was happening, but could barely react in his stunned state. Mayuki smiled into the kiss, and pushed further into it.   
He pulled away, their lips glossy and connected by a string of saliva. Hinata was blushing like crazy, but Mayuki just had a cheeky smile on his face. Hinata couldn’t process that, _what the fuck just happened?_ “Eh?” Hinata mumbled, the one syllable word coming out in a mess of stuttering. Mayuki’s only response was to wink and poke his tongue out before whipping around and walking out. 

_Eh?!_

Hinata was left alone in the classroom, finger grazing over his lips as he stood there, eyes wide. The colour drained from his face, and his legs lost all their willpower; making them buckle under his weight. This was the beginning of the weird things that went on between them. Things that confused Hinata, but seemingly had no effect on Mayuki.   
  


  
  


A week had passed since Hinata and Mayuki spoke, despite having most classes together. No words were said, but Mayuki would constantly look at him with a chipper smile. It managed to make Hinata nervous, but also send him further into his lovesick state. Izumi and Kouji caught onto this, and teased him relentlessly.   
They saw the stares Mayuki gave him, and were convicted their love was mutual. Hinata wasn’t too sure, Mayuki didn’t even dare to explain himself. Just kissed him quick and left.   
It was nearing the end of last period, the clock ticking loudly in the hollow locker room. Hinata had just finished playing baseball, something he wasn’t particularly good at - although Izumi and Kouji were exceptionally good at it. Hinata didn’t have the best aim, and often struggled to hit the ball. He also wasn’t very good at fielding, and often got hit in the head with a ball. He still played it though, just like how Izumi and Kouji would play volleyball for him. He was the only one left, as he was forced to help pack away the equipment used for the game. It was tiresome, and due to his stature and lack of strength, took longer than necessary.   
His shirt was halfway rolled over his head, when he felt warm fingers graze his back. He let out a loud yelp, stumbling forward and just barely preventing himself from banging his head into a wall. The person behind him grabbed him by the shift to ensure he didn’t fall, bringing him closer to their own body. Hinata was half way through changing, and did _not_ appreciate the inconvenience at this time. His shirt wriggled over his head, plopping down into the floor and granting him his vision back. 

”Yukio?” He asked, quite surprised by this revelation. Mayuki was taller than him, and was looking down at him - a look of despair on his face. Hinata grew concerned, and got closer to the boy. Mayuki let out a sniffle and rested his chin on Hinata’s fluffy chair, simultaneously pulling him into a tight hug. Hinata was buried in the nook of Mayuki’s neck, hands tenderly trying to reciprocate the hug. Mayuki trembled, tears rolling down his cheek and landing into Hinata’s hair. “Yu? Are you okay?” He asked, pulling away to look Mayuki in the eyes.

“I heard from one of the other students...” He began, voice croaking, “I heard that you were dating that Izumi kid.”. Hinata was confused, _he was not dating him?_ Sure, they were touchy - and had been all over in each other in class - and constantly sat together - playfully teased each other continuously - okay, so maybe it did make sense for people to assume they were dating. But they weren’t! Why was Mayuki upset by this? 

“I’m not!” Hinata protested, desperation in his voice. Mayuki stopped crying, readjusting himself so he could instead face Hinata. He let out a whimper, as if asking _really?_ Hinata nodded, lips curled, “We’re just friends.” He reassured. Mayuki let out an exasperated sigh, shoulders loosing all tension as he felt relieved.   
Mayuki had been told earlier that day, by an unknown classmate, that Hinata was dating Izumi. Upon further inspection, he had noticed how touchy they were. The two sat together, although often accompanied by Kouji, and were practically all over each other last week. Izumi was legimately on top of him, their arms and legs interlaced as they giggled together. Mayuki would be lying if he said he wasn’t wreathing with jealousy.   
Mayuki had grown very fond of Hinata, and often found himself staring at the younger boy. His face was perfectly proportioned, _pretty enough to be a girl._ And so, Mayuki had partially convinced himself that Hinata was a girl. Is that why he felt this way? Was this rapid beating of his chest and swarm of butterflies in his stomach something that stemmed from the redhead? He wasn’t sure, but this did irritate him. Especially when he saw other people fawning over Hinata, he didn’t like that one bit.

”I was worried.” He said, tears threatening to spill as he gave him a forced smile, “I thought you were gay!”. It took a moment for Hinata to process that. All the threading of support and acceptance that Kouji and Izumi sowed into him came undone, returning him to the exact state of despair and fear he was previously in. He was feeling overwhelmed, hyperventilation beginning to kick in. He let out a strained _hmm,_ voice raspy and breaking. “Being gay isn’t right, Sho.” He cooed, cupping Hinata’s face with his palm. He had a look of pity on his face.   
_What?  
__But,,,  
But, you kissed me?_

Hinata had so many questions, nothing was adding up and he was incredibly confused. He thought Mayuki was flirting with him before, but here he is, saying that being gay is wrong. Mayuki let out a giggle, hiding his smile behind his hand. “Sho-Chan, go out with me.” He laughed, words managing to come out as more of an instruction than a question. With those words said, Hinata managed to forget everything that just happened. The bad thoughts were whisked out of his head, _this was everything he had hoped for._ He couldn’t say no, he couldn’t. Why would he? He was crushing on him for so long, and it turns out his feelings were mutual. He payed no mind to the unusual conversation they had, and forced down all his fears and concerns.   
  


**He should have said no.**

**He should have said no.**

**He should have.**

**He could have.**

**But, he didn’t.**

* * *

Hinata didn’t want to see him. Years had gone by without him having to see him, why now? Nausea hit him, and this feeling made it easier for him to break down - the dam broke, and tears began to stream down his face. He hiccuped as he cried, face flushed. He couldn’t see him, there was no chance in hell. He had tried to bury the memories of him deep within his mind, and it was all being regurgitated. He tried to forgot, he wants to forget, he needs to forget.   
Mayuki continued to knock at the door, unfortunately for Hinata, Mayuki was over almost constantly when they were together. Almost every second, of every day, was spent by each other’s side. It started off as something sweet and cute, but quickly became something Hinata resented and despised. It was at times like this that he wished he moved away with his mother, because the harshness of her words seemed easier to endure than the whirlpool of disaster that Mayuki had turned into. His very presence made Hinata gag, and hearing his voice made him want to scrub his skin clean. He could still feel his touch, he can his feel skin, his tongue and he can feel his lips; he doesn’t want to feel it.   
But with the arrival of Mayuki, came the arrival of unholy memories. During this time, Hinata would much rather leap into the cold and clammy hands of death and be dragged into the underworld than he would leap into Mayuki’s arms. But Mayuki was clever, Hinata knew this all too well. 

“Sho-Chan.” The voice called, ringing through Hinata’s ears. He rolled into a ball, rocking back and forth as he tried not to sob. He fumbled for his phone, struggling as his body practically refused to move. He forced his limbs to function, much to their dismay, but had managed to reach a certain contact. Sekimukai Koji.   
Koji was typically a calm and collected person, and was intelligent in Hinata’s eyes. He had eased Hinata through his past endeavours, and managed to calm him down. He always seemed to know what to do, lucky enough for Hinata that they remained friends. Not to say he didn’t remain friends with Izumi, they were friends, but let’s just say that Izumi wasn’t exactly as _bright_ as Kouji. Hinata had never mentioned his past life in junior high to anybody aside from Kouji and Izumi, so other friends were out of the question during this situation. They were really the only people he could confide him, _the others would hate him. They’d never look at him the same. He was disgusting. He let it happen. He did nothing to prevent it.  
_“Shoyou, I’m back for the weekend! I’m visiting Auntie.” He called, almost as if he sung the words. Mayuki’s mum was a sweetheart, and Hinata really did treasure her. But he couldn’t look at her, her face reminded him too much of them. On the off occasion they’d see each other, he’d try to force down all the memories that flooded back up. She lived only a few minutes away, so it happened at least once a year for them to see each other. Hinata had learned to not focus when he went outside, and instead let the world pass him by to avoid such a conundrum. 

The knocking at the door went from gentle knocking to heavy pounding, and Hinata couldn’t help but yelp loudly. Upon hearing Hinata cry, Mayuki had stopped. Everything stopped. He had ceased his knocking, and was about to leave; but had quickly slipped a note under the door prior to leaving. He walked away with one final message, “I can’t wait to see you. Catch you later!” He chirped. Hinata sunk down low, praying for his body to melt into the floor and consume him whole.  
It was the first time in a while where he wasn’t thinking of Atsumu, and instead, he was reliving the fear and torment he went through in junior high. Part of him longed for Atsumu at this moment, he wanted him to hold him. But the thoughts of Atsumu kissing him mixed into his thoughts of Mayuki, and that made him sick to his stomachs. He liked Atsumu, he really did, but he couldn’t get Mayuki’s taste out of his mouth. Bitter. Bitter. Bitter.   
He heard Mayuki walk away, the heel of his shoe clacking against the concrete. It took him roughly 15 minutes to calm down, but his body still quivered. Kouji had replied to his messages, and then spammed him when he didn’t get a quick reply. Hinata felt bad for not answering sooner, but his body and brain took forever to calm itself.

Kouji came across as worried in his texts, persistently asking Hinata if he was okay. Hinata wasn’t sure, and if he was being honest, he probably would have said no. But, he felt awful for putting Kouji through such fear, and just replied a simple ‘ _I’m fine, sorry for worrying you. <3’. _It hadn’t taken long for a reply, Kouji had sent a plethora of heart emojis and profusely told him that he loved him. Hinata couldn’t help but smile, he felt a little better by the comfort of Kouji.   
Kouji sent him a quick text around 15 minutes after, ‘ _Izumi is FaceTiming me, please join!!’._ And he did just that. He relished in the familiar cheer of hello’s that he was met with upon answering the call, relieved to see the faces of his dumbass friends. Kouji revealed only the upper half of his face, but Izumi had his face squished up against the screen as he tearfully welcomed Hinata. They spoke for hours, temporally fixing all of Hinata’s problems.   
They made him so calm, part of him wished he could build the same relationship with Atsumu, but he things seemed to slightly change after the whole vomit fiasco. 

**……  
**

Atsumu and Hinata hadn’t spoken much, aside from the occasional ‘hey’ texts they sent. Hinata felt selfish, but talking to Atsumu reminded him too much of Mayuki. Atsumu was different from him, he was sweet and kind, but a voice in his head screamed at him, _Mayuki was the same at the start._ He started off sweet, he started off as everything Hinata could ever dream of; and then changed the narrative, conjuring up the real life adaption of Hinata’s worst nightmares, instilling copious amounts of fear into him. Atsumu didn’t deserve that though, it wasn’t his fault Hinata was being selfish.   
He was genuinely a good guy, and the love they had for each other was more than mutual. Hinata was just in the worst possible time of his life; the continuous mentioning of relationships from his team had started it, the downfall. Then Atsumu kissing him, that had triggered certain memories. But those do not compare to the moment he actually heard Mayuki speak, that made his blood run cold.

Mayuki was kept a secret from everyone, he was disgusted in himself for doing what he did - how could he tell others? It was easy to tell something was off, and it wasn’t just the team that was noticing. He tried to remain his chipper self, but there was an undertone of sadness hidden behind him. His smile would often falter, and the sunshine seemed to fade away. His laughs were forced, and concern stirred around the little crow. The team began to notice how paranoid looked, his head would whip around to look at the doors any time it opened, much faster the speed of his jump during a spike. He was always looking behind his shoulder, as if constantly reassuring himself that he was okay. He distanced himself, especially in terms of physical contact.   
Since the ‘Tanaka Incident’, the team had steered clear from touching him. Which proved difficult for people like Suga, who wanted to scoop him up into a hug and ask him what was wrong. Hinata needed those hugs, but he simply couldn’t do it. It took a lot of willpower, but Hinata had finally read the note Mayuki left him;

_My dearest Shoyou,_

_I haven’t heard from you in so long, isn’t that just dreadful? I quite miss you, but I bask in the memories I have of you. You are fresh in my mind, and I remember every little detail about you. I’ve heard that you’re still into volleyball, I hope you’re doing well._  
_I find it rude that you haven’t bothered to talk to me, after all we’ve been through? You said you loved me, and I loved you. How is that fair? I gave you my everything, and I you let me have yours. It’s unpleasant to be ghosted like this._

_I am visiting for a short while, only a couple days or so. Mother wanted to see me, so I’m here now! Dad still lives hours away, and I’ll spend most of my time there. This is a really rare occurrence, you should be spending time with me! :(_

_Don't worry too much, I’ll be sure to see you soon. We’ll spend time together, of course. Maybe go on a date or two? Just kidding! No dating for you._  
_But I will make an exception, I’ll let you relive our old memories._  
_I remember what you used to do, Hinata._  
_And don’t think for a second that I wouldn’t spread the news like wildfire if you refuse to comply. xo_

_You always enjoyed it anyways, what’s it matter?_

_Love, Yukio._

  
He felt the vomit, he felt the fear.

  
  


Suspicions were raised about the mental state of the shrimp, and such thoughts had been plaguing Atsumu’s mind for a week. It pained him to be so far from Hinata, both physically and mentally. He knew that there was something he wasn’t admitting, a deep and dark truth. Atsumu thought he made Hinata so uncomfortable that he couldn’t bare to see him, but Hinata looked fine after he told Atsumu to leave. Their lack of interaction pained him, but his heart still bubbled with love for him.   
He wanted to know if Hinata was being just as distant towards other, or if it was only him. So, what better way to find out then to give a quick call to the person with the keenest eye on Karasuno? Atsumu wished himself luck, that person definitely didn’t want to talk to him. He was _stingy,_ as Hinata would say.   
He picked his phone out of his pocket, scrolling down through his contacts; most of which were his teammates. He found the right correct pretty early on, ‘ Glasses 🦖’. He hesitantly rang the contact, waiting for an answer after the first three beeps. It took a moment, long enough to think he wasn’t going to answer, but he ended up answering.   
“What do you want?” Tsukishima asked, sounding depressed and irritated by the notion of Atsumu calling him. Tsukki clicked his tongue, a scowl forming on his face. He didn’t want to talk to Atsumu, he did want to talk to anyone. He would much rather prefer to be left alone, wising to complete his homework. “Spit it out already.” He barked.   
“Is Hinata okay?” Atsumu asked, trying to ignore the revolt in Tsukishima’s voice. Tsukki let out a soft ‘oh’, and remained silent for a couple seconds. He wasn’t sure how to answer. He didn’t like Hinata, but he did have some sort of respect for him. He wasn’t going to spill out truth to anyone who asked. But, Atsumu became persistent, “Please. I’m worried.” 

Tsukki didn’t know much about Atsumu, or his affiliation with Hinata. But he wasn’t blind; he did see the way Hinata looked at him during practice matches, and how those feelings looked mutual. He would’ve said no, and he probably wanted to- but the desperation and pleading in Atsumu’s voice swayed him. Atsumu just wanted an answer, a yes or no, he just needed to know. Maybe an answer could calm his thoughts, maybe it could let him get a word out of Hinata. “Honestly, the teams not sure.” Tsukishima said, for once loosing his usual sarcastic tone. “He had, rather questionable marks on him. It’s probably a private matter though, they looked rather suggestive.” He took a pause, hesitatingly saying, “We’re a little concerned. Don’t bother him too much about this. He didn’t want to talk to us, I doubt he would talk to you.” He finished off.   
Atsumu was about to continue, but was caught off by the sound of three beeps which indicated the call had ended. _Eh? Question marks? Suggestive?_ That didn’t rest well with him, he wanted answers.

So, he went against what Tsuki said, and called Hinata. He wouldn’t press too hard at the matter, but he wanted to hear his voice; he wanted to know that everything was okay. He wanted to know about the ... marks ... But he would stop if Hinata became uncomfortable. He wanted to mend their bond, _he really missed him._ His main contact, he most precious contact ; Shoyou<3 . He listened to the phone ring, humming along to the tune. There was no answer. So he tried again, no answer.   
He sent him a couple texts too - and also got no reply. 4 hours had passed, and he was yet to hear a melody from his phone that promised a message from Hinata. He tried to calm himself, he _tried. Was it working? Not exactly._ He muffled a scream into a pillow, body beginning to quiver. He got up in one swift movement, body wreathing with irritation and concern. He stormed back and fourth, finger tapping violently against his temple as he pondered what to do.   
He didn’t know what to do, he wasn’t sure if he was making the right decision - but he had to try. Was this overstepping? Perhaps he was just busy. But his gut said otherwise, and it wouldn’t hurt to try and seek out the truth.

  
**……  
**

Hinata sat alone in the bathtub, body sinking into the coldness of the waters. His mouth ducked below the horizion of the water, nose and eyes just above the water to allow himself to breathe. His hair floated in the water, drifting with the light currents that occurred with each small movement of Hinata’s body. He wasn’t sure how long he had been in there, it felt like hours, and judging by the coldness of the water, it had been just that amount of time. The freezing waters wrapped around him, making his feel odd - as if he was a rotting corpse who just got washed up onto the shorelines.   
He found it hard to move and hard to think. His body ached, and his mind felt numb. At times like this, he wanted the world to melt away. He was desperate to temporarily disappear, and so he locked himself in the bathroom. No electronics, no books, _nothing._ Just him and the sweet smell of strawberry soap that filled the room. His toes curled as he stretched, trying to fight off his longing desire to return to the realm of the unconscious. He relished in the silence, comfortable with the level of noise ; absolute silence. But there was a voice ringing in the back of his head, _you’re not clean. Not clean. Not clean._   
He felt disgusting, his skin felt dirty. He could still feel someone’s touch on him, his marks had left a feeling of imperfection imprinted on his skin. He got a sponge, soaked in water and soap, and scrubbed violently into his skin. His neck began to sting as he practically tore away at his skin, but he couldn’t stop until the voice stopped.   
_Not clean.  
_Not clean.   
Not clean.   
A red tint began to fill the bath, a metallic scent pooling amongst the room. Hinata’s vision began to blur, his breathing became slow. But the voice still sang loud, so his job wasn’t done. He began to cry, although he wasn’t sure why - it just started happening, and then he couldn’t stop. He began to hiccup, choking out a broken string of tears and unintelligible noises. His mind rang with the sound of his own gargoyled cries, but was caught off guard by knocking at his door - not just the front door, but his bathroom door.   
His sobs became louder and he was encapsulated by fear. He began to rock back and fourth, “Please, don’t hurt me.” He pleaded. He couldn’t handle this, _not again._ It happened just over a week ago, please don’t do this to him again. _Please, please, please - I can’t relive junior high - I can’t._

”Shoyou?”

That voice didn’t sound like him. That voice wasn’t filled with malice and manipulation. Why did it sound so sweet? Why did it sound so familiar? Why did his heart race fast for different reasons? He felt his muscles loosen, and felt his eyelids snap open. The voice spoke again, calling his name continuously. He got up, legs shaking as the weight of water clinging and soaking into his clothes pulled him down. He hadn’t realised he never took his clothes off, was his mind really that far gone? His emotions felt like tar, and with each breath he took he sunk further down and got more stuck into the mess he was feeling. But here was a helping hand, someone to pull him back into a different world; a world where everything was okay.   
He hurried towards the door, hurried towards his comfort. As soon as he reached the door handle, he knew why he was moving so fast. He had been running from this person, because they could see through him so easily - and he knew this. He couldn’t hold off from Atsumu any longer, he couldn’t deny that he needed him. Not to hold him, but to _listen._   
He fidgeted with the lock, fumbling as he heard the voice grow louder and clearer. He can hear. He opened the door, and thus opened a doorway to up his feelings. As soon as the door was wide enough, he looked up at the figure before him. 

“Atsu.” He whailed, dropping down to his knees. He grew more and more tired, weak at the knee. Atsumu let out a shocked gasp at the state Hinata was in; his skin was much paler than usual, his hair was rugged and he was soaked in wet clothing. His skin was painted with a plethora of marks; those of which made Atsumu want to gag. His neck was littered with dark and deep bruises, as well as bite marks that were hard enough to draw blood. The skin around his neck looked scorched and irritated, as if it was scrubbed harshly. His arms looked frail and weak, and purple bruises engulfed his wrists. They looked painful and fresh, but the worst thing was his face.   
Hinata was usually very pretty. He was usually very cheery. He was usually smiling. But in this moment, he had never seen him so defeated. His face was twisted into a quivering frown, his eyes were dull and lifeless - a complete contrast to the sunshine that used to shine off of him like a lightbulb. His eyes were welled up, tears streaming down his puffy cheeks. He looked vulnerable. This sight of him made Atsumu sick to his stomach, the idea of someone harming Hinata pissed him off beyond belief.   
Atsumu didn’t touch him, he hadn’t since their last visit. He learned his lesson, and taking a quick look at Hinata, made him realise he made the appropriate decision. He knelt down beside him, a look of pity in his eyes. Hinata’s tears began to slow down, and his chest began to beat at a slower pace. “Hinata, what happened?”   
Hinata was hesitant, Hinata had never told the full extent of his truth, not even to Kouji and Izumi. But he had to untie the threads, even if it pained him inside; he had to tell his story.

  
  


It had been three days since Hinata had his ‘interaction’ with Mayuki, a one sided interaction. Nonetheless, that incident plagued him. It managed to consume every inch of his thoughts, consuming him whole like a starved python ready to devour him whole. He was swallowed, and set down into the depths of his despair; forced to drown in his fears and regrets. His past haunted him, following behind him with each step he took, just like a shadow. He feared that past, and had to look over his shoulder with each step he took. This made everything feel ten times harder and it took ten times longer.   
Getting out of bed was the first obstacle, and one of the hardest. His muscles refused to move in the mornings and he had lost his usual wave of energy. His mind felt numb and his body ached, but he would always force himself out of bed. He knew that as soon as he got up, he would be forced to actually keep in touch with his reality; the reality of fear, the reality of his existence and the reality of his past. With each minute that passed, he knew he was one minute closer to a terrible pain that was bound to occur.   
But he couldn’t tell anyone that. He thought his truth was disgusting, his past was disgusting and that _he_ was disgusting. They’d never look at him the same.   
Disgusting Disgusting Disgusting  
He was almost ready to leave, his hair was brushed into it’s usual fluffy state, his school clothes were on and his bag was slung over his shoulder. He was nervous, but he didn’t want to be late to practice. He could feel the growing concern of his team and he just wanted to make them happy. They were his world, and people he felt calm around - maybe _someday_ he could confess things, but only when he knew that Mayuki was done and gone. Maybe, just maybe, he could message Atsumu later Today. He felt bad about not talking to him, but he kept getting reminded of their kiss and the ‘aftermath’. Maybe he should just get over it? If he didn’t see Mayuki, then maybe he can let go. Maybe he can be honest.   
He twisted the handle to his front door, time to face the world.   
The door creaked as it opened, and instead of the usual blistering sunshine that filled Hinata with warmth, was a looming figure that made his heart go ice cold. He didn’t look up, his eyes stared down at the floor. His eyelids felt heavy and his legs buckled, he did not want to look up.   
Delicate and smooth hands grabbed his shoulders, grip a little too hard for his liking. The fingers tapped against the fabric of his clothes with a little pitter patter, Hinata wanted to scream. Stop touching, stop touching, stop touching. His grip remained firm, a word still not said from either of the two boys. Hinata’s nose curled, he could always recognise the scent of this person. He smelled sickeningly of vanilla, he had originally favoured this smell and he couldn’t help but crack a smile when he smelled it, but now the scent made him want to hurl. The figure leaned in, lips almost touching his ear as he whispered, “Long time no see, Sho-chan.”   
He pushed Hinata forward, making Hinata stumble on his legs. Hinata’s bag slid down his arms, landing onto the floor with a loud thud. His eyes remained on the bag on the floor, but his attempt to avoid eye contact was interrupted when he felt a hand on his chin bring him to the eyes of the person in front of him. Sweat rolled down his cheek, teeth sinking into the side of his mouth as his lips wobbled nervously. Mayuki gave him a sweet smile, cheeks going a tint of pink. His looks were the most deceiving thing about him, someone who looked like the nicest person on the face of the earth ended up being the most vile creature Hinata had the displeasure of meeting. His hair was a deep shade of black and was almost fluffier than Hinata’s hair; it was always soft to the touch. He always had a smile on his face, this made him look approachable; and damn, it was a good enough look to fool Hinata into falling in love with him. He understood why he had liked him, he was kind and hung out with him a lot (He thought he was pretty cute too), but now? Hinata could never get that love back, I guess there were a lot of things he was never getting back.   
“Were you going to school?” Mayuki perked up, eyes twitching as he held his usual nice facade. Hinata gave him a shaky nod, trying to fight off both the fear and anger bubbling inside of him. Mayuki’s face transformed into a morbid frown, a look of despair in his eyes. He let out a tsk, shaking his head ‘no’ as he gave him a disapproving stare. “No, no. That won’t do. You should stay home.” He said, finger pointing up in a matter of factly manor.   
Hinata let out a disgruntled whine, “What was that?” Mayuki asked, leaning close to his face. 

Hinata gulped, “I have practice. I want to leave.” He said, trying his best to hide the nervousness in his voice. Mayuki cocked his head to the side with a sigh, not satisfied with the answer. Hinata fixed his posture, trying to show that he won’t back down, “I want you to leave too.” Each word came out slow, and caused tension to grow in the room. It remained silent for far too long, Mayuki’s eyes still fixated on his. Mayuki licked his lip, looking as if he was contemplating what Hinata had said for just a moment. He snapped his fingers loudly, which made Hinata whirl his head and look his hand - in his moment of distraction, Mayuki slammed the door. They were inside now, no where for Hinata to run. Mayuki liked it this way. Hinata began to move backwards, a desperate attempt to flee from him. He knew exactly where this was going. Mayuki only got closer, closing the distant between them.   
Hinata swore when he felt his back hit the cold and hard wall, he was really trapped now. Mayuki strode up to him, looking prideful with a malicious and devious grin etched across his face. He stopped as soon as he got directly in front of Hinata, the tip of their shoes touching. He lifted his hand up, and moved into the soft and chubby skin of Hinata’s skin. Hinata wanted to bite away at that hand, anything to send him away. But, he couldn’t - his body and mind had gone their seperate ways. He cupped his cheek, giving it a gentle squeeze as he cooed, “You’re just as pretty as I remember.” .   
Hinata hated it. He hated every word that came out of his mouth. He hated him.   
Hinata’s chest heaved, body beginning to cower under his touch. Mayuki’s hair dangled loosely in front of his face, tickling Hinata’s nose. Mayuki then took advantage of the defenceless position Hinata was in, and caged him in. One arm was placed beside his head, and one leg was in between Hinata’s legs; effectively entrapping him. Mayuki’s face got closer, as much as Hinata didn’t want this, he couldn’t move. He let him have his way.   
Mayuki’s lips pressed against his, starting off soft and tender but becoming more rough and dominant as time passed. Time seemed to stop in this moment, Hinata couldn’t help but delude himself into thinking this would end soon. Moments passed, but nothing was going away - it all continued at a painfully slow pace, letting Hinata this would drag on. He closed his eyes, at least he didn’t have to look at him - praying to God that his mind would whisk him away into a land that was better. _Don’t let me feel it. Please, I don’t want this.  
_Mayuki’s tongue covered every surface of Hinata’s mouth, a mixture of saliva forming a whole new taste for him to indulge in. He began to bite down into Hinata’s lips, making the smaller boy whimper. Mayuki seemed ticked off by this, and further provoked him by biting harder. A metallic taste filled Hinata’s mouth, but he had to ignore it.

His hands began to move away from Hinata’s face, and instead settled in on the vast unexplored land of Hinata’s chest. His delicate fingers traced over his skin, making Hinata shiver under his cold touch. He roamed all over his body, squeezing and tugging at certain areas of skin. Hinata’s body was frail and scrawny, but Mayuki found this incredibly appetising; he wanted to consume every single piece of him. It had been so long since he had felt Hinata’s touch, or tasted him.   
“You’re being very quiet.” He groaned, pulling away from the kiss. A string of saliva connected their mouth, leaving Hinata to pant in a desperate need for air. Hinata’s face was flushed, but his eyes were glazed over with a sense of emptiness. Mayuki pounced, nuzzling his head into the nook of Hinata’s neck. His arms draped around him, pulling them together into a tight hug. “You enjoyed this when we were dating, you let me have every piece of you.” He cooed, giving a gentle kiss to Hinata’s neck.   
Hinata’s eyes snapped open, red and brimming with newly formed tears. His eyebrows were knitted and he had a look of frustration on his face, “Shut up!” He whailed. His voice came out hoarse and dry, holding no power whatsoever. His lips quivered, mouth agape as Mayuki pulled away from him. The distance between them had grown, and Hinata tried to wiggle away. This endeavour was fruitless, as Mayuki then forcefully grabbed Hinata by the wrists, pegging him to the wall once again. Mayuki looked ~~pissed~~.  
~~He fucked up  
~~~~Regret  
~~~~Regret  
~~~~Regret  
~~Hinata’s throat began to feel dry, an incoherent babble of apologies began to flow from out of this mouth. He apologised profusely, shaking in fear as his vision began to falter from the welling of tears in his eyes. Mayuki clicked his tongue and hardened his grip on Hinata’s wrists. Hinata winced, the pain increasing by the second. He could already tell this was going to bruise later on. He held his two wrists together with one of his hands, releasing his other hand to be free. His fingers traced against the sensitive skin on Hinata’s neck, examining them carefully as he got closer. He gave Hinata one quick glance, making direct eye contact that sent a shiver down Hinata’s spine, before moving his lips towards his neck. He planted his lips onto his flesh, kissing and pulling at it with his lips. His kisses turned more aggressive, beginning to leave marks onto Hinata’s skin. He then bit down into his neck, teeth sinking into his skin and drawing a slight amount of blood.   
Hinata’s eyes widened, panting as he tried to hold back a groan of pain. His eyes were forced shut as he twitched and turned every which way, trying to wriggle out of the situation. But Mayuki was incredibly strong and new exactly how to coy Hinata into being submissive. He could easily over power Hinata, and he made sure Hinata knew this.   
“C’mon, Sho-chan. Make some noise, you were so lively last time.” He teased, tongue flicking over the bitten skin on Hinata’s neck. Meanwhile, his only free hand danced around Hinata’s waist. Occasionally slipping into Hinata’s pants in seek of warmth.

Hinata wished it stopped there. But just like in junior high, Mayuki had managed to capture him and break him. His body was now bruised with hideous marks that Hinata wanted to carve out of his skin, and he looked evidently disheveled. He had touched every crevice of his body, and Hinata had just stopped caring at some point. Blood was stained on his inner thigh, and his wrists were sore beyond belief.   
But he survived it the first time, he knew he could survive it a second time- even if it had a massive toll on his mental stability. The only good thing about this, was what Mayuki had left him with;

”Thank you, Sho-chan. You’re just as good as I remember.” He said, a hint of sincerity in his voice. Hinata gagged in disgust, nose curled as felt like he was going to hurl. Mayuki flashed him a smile, “I might not ever see you again. But I know you’ll remember me, you have the marks to prove it.”.

 ~~ **I might not ever see you again**~~  
**I might not ever see you again**  
**I might not ever see you again**  
I might not ever see you again

Hinata would be glad to never see him again. He wanted to erase all signs of Mayuki’s existence, but those bruises and marks would be a constant hideous reminder. He knew he couldn’t handle it though, he couldn’t handle anything.   
The first time he attempted to go to school, in a desperation to feel the usual rush of joy he got from volleyball, he had been found out. The team sent him concerns stares, and he knew they would’ve figured him out. Tsukishima had been eyeing him their entire practice, and he wanted to vomit. His skin used to be so delicate, so smooth; but now it was something he hated. It was painted with reminders and his wrists were swollen and blue. Everything hurt. His wrists, his neck, his legs, his heart and his mind. He didn’t want anything of this to happen, but he let it.   
He had always been called disgusting for what he let happen to himself.   
He was disgusting, right?   
A guy who let another guy have his way with him was disgusting, correct?   
It was all he was ever taught, the only way of life that he knew. He was told this by the two most major people in his life, his mother and his first ever boyfriend, Mayuki; who engraved it into his mind like writing into a stone wall. If people like that told him such things so often, then it must’ve been true.   
He couldn’t look at his team the same way, and they wouldn't look at him the same way. The way their eyes met, it was with an overwhelming amount of pity- so much that Hinata couldn’t bare it.   
So he locked himself away.   
He didn’t want to see anyone.   
No one wanted to see him.   
He wanted to erase his existence.   
Just let him rest, please.

Atsumu sat on the floor, wide eyed as he heard the end of Hinata’s tale. Hinata looked devastated, his body limp and sitting on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. Atsumu patted at his cheek, trying to wipe away the dampness from his tears. It was eerily silent as soon as Hinata stopped speaking- Atsumu didn’t know what to say. He let out a groan, trying to figure out what to do. He gently placed one finger on Hinata’s palm, which made the small boy flinch. Hinata looked at him with wary eyes, scanning every little movement and breath Atsumu took. Hinata bit his lip, cautiously allowing Atsumu to continue.   
His hands ended up placed carefully in Atsumu’s, held tenderly. Hinata relaxed a little, shoulders loosing their tension. He stared longingly into Hinata’s eyes, which were only just beginning to have some colour form in them. He hated seeing him like this, so frightened and cautious. He didn’t want Hinata to fear him, he wanted him to live his life free of his anxiety, free of Mayuki.  
Atsumu took a deep breath, “Shoyou. Please, trust me.” He asked, pleading with the younger boy. He fumbled over his words, “Listen. I, um,” He began slowly, “I really like you.” . He let out a soft chuckle as heard Hinata gasp, face going a beat red. He rubbed his hand slowly, trying to create a comfortable atmosphere. “I always have liked you, Sho. I like everything about you, from your smile, to your hair to your wonderful personality. You’re one of the kindest - no, _the kindest_ person I know and it is truly devastating to hear that you went through this. So, I beg of you, let me help you. You’re important to me and you don’t deserve any of this.” He stopped, catching his breath as he awaited a response.

Hinata sniffled. Sometimes, he forgot what it was like to be loved, to have someone understand you completely. He didn’t know if he believed in soulmates, but by god he felt as if he just found his. He struggled to process that Atsumu liked him back, despite their previous endeavours- he thought the kiss was a spur of the moment idea. His heart throbbed and he felt like he was going to cry again. “What if he comes back?” He asked tiredly, voice pained.   
Atsumu crosses his eyebrows, exhaling as he spoke thus, “I’ll be here to protect you.”   
Hinata gave in, what more did he have to loose? He threw himself forward into Atsumu’s chest, arms shakily pulling him into a hug as he began to sob. Atsumu was shocked, but wrapped his arms around him and held him in a loving embrace.   
Hinata mumbled something into his chest, “You promise?” . Atsumu sighed, giving him a small smile. He replied with the only answer he knew; the complete truth.

”From now and until forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, it’s very much appreciated! Sorry this was such angsty bullshit, I feel bad for venting so much online. Have a good day <3  
> Tumblr; Kenmiyuu


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